Never ignore these 13 red flags when dating her the first time (Explained)

There is NO WAY you can find your ideal partner without knowing about these top 13 red flags when dating her the first time.

If you are someone who’s constantly attracting the wrong person into their lives, or someone who falls in love fast, then this list is a MUST for you!

          Also, if you want to be prepared, and if you want to know what you should watch out for on the first date, then I encourage you to take some notes, because we are about to go through a list of the 13 most dangerous red flags when dating her the first time.

Table of Contents

What is a red flag?

red flag when dating

A red flag is simply an indicator that tells you, that something isn’t right with that person.

They are little signs that tell you to be aware of them, because they might be toxic from the inside, even though, they might look gorgeous from the outside.

Red flags are your best friends.

Since they will let you know in advance, who you should avoid at all cost, and with whom you should engage more.

They will save you a lot of time, if you learn to recognize them right away.

So consider it to be one of the most important and valuable chapter in your love life, and open up your eyes and mind, and let the information flow in.

What should I do when I recognize a red flag?

If you recognize a red flag when dating her the first time, it doesn’t mean, that you should end the date, or that you should confront her about it, or be rude to her.

It simply means, that as soon as you recognize a red flag, an alarm should be ringing in the back of your head, and it should simply tell you “WARNING. Be careful with her. Something isn’t right”.

warning red flag when dating

Also, if you recognize any of these red flags, don’t try to change her.

That is not your job.

Simply be aware of these red flags when dating her, and after the date is over, just evaluate if you recognized something.

You don’t have to overthink it.

You don’t have to overanalyze it.

It should be obvious from the get go, if she falls in any of these categories or not.

And as you go, with time, it will be more obvious to you, if they are a poor choice or not, in the first 10-20 minutes of the conversation.

So, without and further ado, let’s jump right into it.

The top 13 red flags when dating her the first time

1) She is talking a lot about her exes

talking about exes red flag when dating

If she is constantly talking about her exes on the first date, in only means one thing.

She didn’t move on, and she is thinking about them a lot.


It is clear that these women are not ready for a serious relationship yet. (Oh, and this applies for men as well)

She will still have feelings for them, and chances are, if one of their exes came back to her, she would choose him over you.

The explanation is simple.

They are emotionally bonded much more to her, than you are.

They have a past together.

They’ve spent a lot of time together.

And if she couldn’t get over him, then she WILL talk about him a lot, while you are dating.

I’m not talking about bringing up her ex once, because it would be absurd to take that as a red flag.

But when she is bringing him up multiple times, that really means something.

And it should be a huge red flag for you.

So, only ignore it on your own risk.

2) She gets jealous if you go out with your friends over her, or with opposite sex friends

Let me start out with this.

After the first date, she is not your girlfriend, and you are not her boyfriend.

Let that sink in.

Because so many guys out there treat their girl, as if they were together already.

And so many women out there get so much offended, if you would go out with your friends, or with a friend of the opposite sex over them, just after getting to know each other.

These are simply unrealistic expectations, and they will bring you a lot of drama in your life.

Which doesn’t worth it at all.

I guarantee you that.

At the same time, it is controlling as well, which all comes from their own insecurities.

So better watch out for this red flag when dating her the first time.

Because that jealousy will grow over time.

And you might wake up at one point, that she gets upset and jealous over any tiny little sign, that she might consider suspicious.

3) She always talks about herself, barely asks anything about you

If you are dating someone the first time, and they don’t seem to care for you, but rather they’re constantly talking about themselves, take it as a big red flag.

It’s not about how much you like them, it’s more about how much they are investing in the relationship.

And by this I mean receiving some genuine interest from them.

A person who is constantly talking about themselves, is too much preoccupied with their own thought, feelings and intentions.

These people lack empathy, and might even be a potential narcissist.

So if you date someone who is too much self-centered, who doesn’t show some genuine sign of interest towards you, but rather is constantly telling stories about themselves, then I don’t care how good-looking they are, I’d definitely advise you to take it as a big red flag.

4) She wants too much, too quickly

She texts you too much.

She calls you too much.

She wants to be around you 24/7 and texts back instantly most of the time.

And all this just after the first date(s).

They can get attached really quickly to someone.

And it only means, that they are desperate for a new relationship and are seeking to be loved.

Unfortunately, if someone wants too much, too quickly, it’s a sign that they are being lonely.

A healthy relationship is playful, and it isn’t rushed.

Ideally, both parties have a lot of things going on in their lives, and they are emotionally stable.

Ideally, they both understand, that knowing someone takes time, and that you can’t rush certain things.

Especially getting into a healthy relationship, or finding an ideal partner.

So be aware if she is overwhelmed by you.

Try not to take it as a sign of pride and feed your ego with it, but rather you should take it as a red flag, and be careful with her, if she wants too much, too quickly.

5) She is always trying to prove that she wasn’t wrong

gets upset red flag when dating

There is nothing worse than a person who can’t take responsibility for their life.

You can spot these type of people by simply observing if they blame others or not.

If something doesn’t go according to their expectations, do they take ownership and point to themselves, or are they instantly coming up with an excuse, and try to explain why they weren’t for the blame!?

  „It was because ….” (pointing at something else)

This simple expression, with the gesture of blaming someone/something else, can tell so much about a person.

These people are toxic and can’t take ownership for their lives.

They will constantly try to prove that they were right, and they will constantly try to avoid that they were wrong.

It wasn’t their fault!

This is the core of a victim mindset.

And this could be the beginning of a disaster, if you ignore this red flag when dating her.

So better understand the sub-communication, and recognize it, when it’s the case.

6) She has no ambitions, goals or hobbies

If you are looking for a serious relationship, I definitely recommend you to watch out for this one.

If she doesn’t have ambitions, goals or hobbies (watching movies isn’t a hobby), then I guarantee you she will be bored a lot.

I also guarantee you, that she will suffocate you, since she doesn’t have many things going on in her life.

And what do I mean by hobbies?

Well, something you can practice and become better at it.

Something you can nurture over time.

Something that requires patience, time and repetitions to master it.

It can be anything.

Dancing, painting, singing, exercising, running, gym, writing…

The opportunities are endless.

But if she doesn’t have any hobbies or ambitions in her life, I guarantee you, that she WILL be a pain in the ass later in your life.

So better find it out on the first date, and better take it as a huge red flag.

7) She is constantly complaining about many things

Complaining about their exes.

Complaining about their current situation.

Complaining about their life in general.

It only tells, that they have a lot of unresolved issues in their lives, and that they can’t really take ownership for their actions.

We can do something about it any time and change our situation if we wanted to.

But of course it takes much more time and effort to do so, and it’s much easier to complain and express our dissatisfaction instead.

These kinds of people are typically very hard to satisfy as well, since they can always find something to complain about.

Plus, it becomes a habit over time.

And there is nothing you can do about it.

So please.


Do yourself a favor.

And don’t try to change these people.

Simply see this as a sign of incompatibility, and move on.

I don’t care how great looking they are.

I don’t care if the sex life is great between the two of you.

These people are very toxic, and will make your life a misery.

So watch out for the complainers while dating, and run as far as you can if you meet one.

8) She tends to compliment and praise herself a lot

It tells us 3 simple things:

  • Potential narcissist.
  • Lack of humbleness.
  • Insecurity on a deeper level.

Just like those, who are constantly talking about themselves, these people are also very self-centered.

I’m not talking about her letting you know what they have achieved currently in a humble way.


I’m talking about the woman who would CONSTANTLY tell you about how great they are.

I don’t even know which is worse.

This, or the ones who only talk about themselves.

Nevertheless, be aware of these signs, and get away from the people who would constantly praise themselves.

Because they love themselves a lot.

I mean too much!

9) She is under-sharing

red flag when dating under sharing

These women are the mysterious ones.

They won’t open up easily, and they won’t answer basic questions about themselves.

The first date should be all about getting to know each other.

About bonding and connecting.

But how can you connect with someone, who wouldn’t even tell you what was the reason of their break-up with their ex?

Or if they stay in touch with them at the moment or not?

These are basic questions and topics for the first date(s), and someone who would get all mysterious and wouldn’t talk about these things, are simply under sharing.

Connection lost.

That’s exactly what it should mean to you.

So don’t invest in them.

Because they don’t seem to invest in you as well.

10) She loses temper fast and is impolite

If she gets upset from out of the blue on the first date, that should be an obvious warning for you.

For example:

If the row is too long.

If you have to wait for the bust for too long.

If all seats are reserved in the restaurant.

If it’s raining again.

If in any random situation she can lose her temper really fast, that just means, that you will have a hard time if you chose to be with her.

Just imagine if the two of you have a fight.

Do you think she will be behaving differently?

Of course not.

We simply have to understand and be aware of these signs, in order for us to have a drama free life.

So take that as a red flag when dating her the first time, and don’t try to be some kind of superhero, and don’t try to save her.

Because it doesn’t worth it.

And because it’s simply not your responsibility to do so.

11) She is sh*t talking and gossiping about others a lot

These people don’t have respect for others.

They tend to like drama, and they seem to be searching for it on a frequent basis.

They will sh*t talk about their exes a lot.

They will constantly bring negative vibes about their friends when they are not around.

Also, they might even sh*t talk about their family members and loved ones a lot.

Oh, and if you will get into a big fight or so.

I guarantee she will sh*t talk about you as well when you are not around.

It’s similar with complaining.

And it can become a habit as well.

So watch out for the sh*t talkers and gossipers.

It’s a great way to know who you should avoid, just after the first date.

12) She always expects you to pay

she expects you to pay red flag when dating

Often times on the first date we would bring her to a restaurant, or in a place where the bill will eventually come, and the question will be asked.

Who should be paying?

If she is someone who wouldn’t show any sign of even TRYING to contribute to the bill, then I would take it as a red flag.

Alright, alright.

Let’s say it’s because of the first date, and the gentlemen codex says that men should pay on the first date.

So let’s look aside from that.

But if that happens on the second date, or the third date?

Sorry, but it’s on you then.

If the bill comes, and she is looking the other way, suddenly scrolling through her phone, or simply waiting there and not doing anything, then she is expecting you to pay for her time.

Then it’s simply an exchange.

Money for beauty.

That just tells me, that she doesn’t treat you as a partner.

That just tells me, that she is seeing herself as a more valuable person than yourself.

If you just want to have a great night with her, that’s fine.

Go for it.

But if you want to engage with her in a serious relationship, then I would tell you to forget that.

Because an ideal partner wouldn’t treat you like that.

Because an ideal partner wouldn’t want you to always pay.

It’s just like with a best friend.

A best friend wouldn’t want you to always pay, right?

And I would see this from the same perspective.

I’m not saying that it should always be 50/50.

All I’m saying is, that she should be contributing to the bill in some way or form.

Or at least show some sign of WILLINGNESS to contribute to the bill in a way.

So if she is expecting you to always pay.

Then I would definitely think twice about engaging with her in a serious relationship.

13) She cheated on her exes

There are many topics you should consider bringing up on the first date.

And this is one of them.

Of course the question shouldn’t be too direct like:

„So, have you ever cheated on any of your exes?”

You should somehow wrap it up, and deliver it in a friendly and polite way.

But if she was a cheater in the past, unfortunately that indicates, that she will be a cheater in the future as well.

Unless, if she is working on herself, which barely happens, unfortunately.

The truth is, that cheating becomes a habit.

They feel like they can get away with it, so why not do it again, and again?

And they’ll only do it to their partner, until they had enough, and they finally stood up for themselves.

But then comes the next partner, which might be you?!

So be careful of this red flag when dating her the first time, because it’s really hard to escape the habit of cheating.

And don’t try to save her, because it’s not your job to do so.

Plus, it doesn’t even worth it.

So, please!

Don’t ignore any of these red flags, especilaly in the beginning.

For your own well being.

+Extra tip: don’t let yourself blinded by love, before you actually getting to know her!

red flag when dating blinded by love

Now, let’s wrap it up and let’s see the whole list of red flags once again:

1) She is talking a lot about her exes

2) She gets jealous if you go out with your friends over her, or with opposite sex friends

3) She always talks about herselfbarely asks anything about you

4) She wants too much, too quickly

5) She is always trying to prove that she wasn’t wrong

6) She has no ambitions, goals or hobbies

7) She is constantly complaining about many things

8) She tends to compliment and praise herself a lot

9) She is under-sharing

10) She loses temper fast and is impolite

11) She is sh*t talking and gossiping about others a lot

12) She always expects you to pay

13) She cheated on her exes

Learn to recognize these red flags, because it will definitely save you a lot of time.

Plus, it will save you from a lot of stress and frustration in the future.

The sooner, the better for you!

Thank you for reading through. If you liked this post, please consider subscribing to my newsletter down below, for more upcoming dating and relationship advice.

Until next time.

Take care.

Thomas Kallos – Find Your Ideal Partner

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