How do we truly know if we are in a healthy relationship, if we are blinded by love? It’s really hard to tell subjectively.
That’s why it would be great if we had a realistic model in front of us. But for that, we have to have a clear picture of the main healthy relationship signs.
Did you know: Arguing is part of the healthy relationship signs. A 2012 online study, among 976 individuals, concluded the following.
Couples who engage in healthy conflict are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship versus those who ignore difficult conversations.
So. What does a healthy relationship look like?
Table of Contents
- 1) Searching for solutions
- 2) Never stop dating her
- 3) Have your own goals (each of you)
- 4) Support individual and shared goals
- 5) Be prepared, that you WILL „fall out of love” at one point
- 6) Communicate what’s on your mind
- 7) Listen really carefully
- 8) Compromise once in a while
- 9) Be honest
- 10) Trust her
- 11) Show your boundaries
- 12) Respect her boundaries
- 13) Equal investment
- 14) Stop with the blaming
- +Extra: True love is earned. It’s NOT given!
Here is my 14 real healthy relationship signs, that you can use as your own roadmap:
1) Searching for solutions
If they want to work it out, they will look for solutions, if they don’t care that much, they will keep looking for excuses. Action speaks louder than words, remember that.
2) Never stop dating her
Once you stopped putting in the effort of attracting her again and again, you’ve started to lean back and started to take her for granted. Remember, nothing is promised!
3) Have your own goals (each of you)
Individuality is a huge one. If your identity is wrapped up in her identity, if you got so attached to her that you forgot about your own life, it just means that you need to start focusing on your own goals for a moment. You can start with the things you have been doing before you met her.
4) Support individual and shared goals
We don’t pull back each other, we don’t envy each other, we are in the same team. Her success is my success. My success is her success. We just have to be less selfish, more empathetic and supportive. Forget about ME. It’s WE!
5) Be prepared, that you WILL „fall out of love” at one point
Understand that the „in love experience” is NOT the same as loving someone. You can expect that the pink cloud will disappear with time, and you have to learn how to love your partner without the butterflies inside you, because eventually they WILL fade away over the years. And you know what? That is completely fine.
6) Communicate what’s on your mind
Without great communication, you can forget about a healthy relationship. There is no way around it, you will have to sit down and talk about anything that is bothering you. You don’t have to agree necessarily on it, but you always have to make sure that both of you let each other know if something is wrong.
7) Listen really carefully
I wanted to make this a separate one since I see so many people failing to do this. They think that they heard what she said, but actually what they were hearing is ONLY themselves. Don’t focus on what you’ll tell next, instead just listen to what she has to say and consider it as a real burning pain for her.
8) Compromise once in a while
There will always be times when you can’t agree on a solution that is ideal for both of you. This is when you will have to compromise. It can be really hard, but we can’t expect the relationship to always go according to OUR will. There are two drivers in the car, and sometimes it’s better to let go of the steering wheel for a moment.
9) Be honest
You got to play it the right way, which is the honest way. Otherwise, you will lose her trust and respect! Nothing more to explain here.
10) Trust her
Most probably, you will have to work on your insecurities for this. You’re not sure? Your guts are telling you something else? Stop assuming things and start to communicate with your partner instead. If you don’t communicate, you start to assume. If you assume, you start to come up with all kinds of theories in your head. And that is exactly when you can lose your trust towards her. Try to avoid that.
11) Show your boundaries
If you are afraid to lose her and try to play it safe, it will make it IMPOSSIBLE for you to show any healthy boundaries. You need to let her know what you tolerate and what not. She has to know that she will have to face the consequences if she keeps disrespecting you. Remember, boundaries has to be communicated in a calm, respectful and loving manner.
12) Respect her boundaries
Respect her, and she will respect you back. For this, you will have to listen up, and know how much is too much. If you feel like you crossed the line, then try to take a step back and talk about it. Don’t try to prove yourself right all the time, simply try to understand her and try to talk it through. She will love you for that.
13) Equal investment
You shouldn’t have doubts about who is investing less and who is more. It shouldn’t even be a question in your relationship. But if it is, just go back to the point where I described „communication” and let your partner know how you feel about her not investing enough in your relationship.
14) Stop with the blaming
Don’t attack her, but rather attack the problem. You are in the same team and your goal is to tackle that issue, and come up with a solution that benefits both of you. That is the mindset you should come from. Never blame her!
And an extra sign of being in a healthy relationship, which is the most important one from my point of view:
+Extra: True love is earned. It’s NOT given!
Hard times and new situations will definitely bring new issues over the years, even after marriage, and you got to be willing to work on them. True love is not given! It’s earned.
Right now, you are at step 10/10, in the 10-step system on how to find your ideal partner.
Continue the system with the next small bite, here.
If you don’t know about this system yet, BUT you truly want to find your ideal partner, then see the full 10-step system here.
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Until next time.
Thomas Kallos – Find Your Ideal Partner