One Big Secret to Appear More Confident While Talking to Her [+ 5 min. Exercise]

Did you know that only 5 seconds are enough to form a first impression? Even before you said anything, your body language and eye contact tells a lot about yourselves. Not to mention the tonality and the confidence level that you are projecting towards them in those first seconds of the interaction.

So, here is one big secret to appear more confident while talking to her, that most guys are completely missing, when they’re just getting started with dating.

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One big secret to appear more confident while talking to her

I’m just going to be straight forward with it.

One of the most common mistakes men do when they are talking to women is, that they TALK…TOO…FAST.

It’s the speed of their communication.

Of course, body language and tonality are one of the most important key elements, when we talk about core confidence.

But at the same time, it tells so much about a person, whether they talk in a slower pace, or whether they talk in a rushing way.

Can you feel that confident people tend to talk more slowly?



Because they have enough confidence in themselves to know and believe, that what they are about to say, actually is important as well, and has value. They are confident about what they want to tell.

Without anybody having to approve or confirm it.

They are not looking left and right, searching for the approving nods, or any other confirming feedback.

They’re simply looking deeply into your eyes, and their body language and calm way of speaking projects an immense level of certainty and confidence.

Of course, if you are a natural fast talker, it doesn’t necessarily mean, that you are not a confident person. There are always some exception to the rule.

So try to take this, as a general rule of thumb, and try to use it accordingly.

But let’s dig a bit deeper, and see why men with less confidence tend to talk faster?

Related: Oneitis When Dating – 3 Tricks To Get Rid of Dating Anxiety

Why men with less confidence tend to talk faster?

It’s a compensation mechanism.

In other words, people with low confidence, who speak really fast are afraid, that what they are about to say, is not going to be interesting enough.

That it is going to be kind of boring.

So they are compensating with speeding up the message, and delivering it much faster.


You see, all this is fear based.

People with low confidence, who talk too fast, are afraid that:

  • The other person wouldn’t like it
  • The other person would get bored really fast
  • What they want to say is not interesting enough
  • What they want to say is not good enough

They constantly have a feeling, that they are in the way, or what they have to say is not that important.

Deep inside, it’s lack of self-worth.

So they rather stay silent and not say anything, or when they say something, they say it in a rushed and fast way.

Unfortunately, the underlying message of fast talking, is simply showing a low level of confidence, and high level of nervousness.

A great technique to appear more confident while talking to her

Learn to slow down.

That means, to talk with approximately 80-85% of the speed of how you usually talk.

You don’t have to go into extremes with this, and you definitely shouldn’t talk too slow. That will only give the other person the impression, that you can’t speak properly, or that it’s hard for you to speak fluently.

So just play with it, practice it, and try to find that golden confident flow that works for you.

Of course, it might not come naturally at first, so you can do some exercises at home, before you go out and talk to women.

The exercise?

Just slow down to 80-85%.

And talk like that for 5 minutes a day.

You got to learn how to slow down, so you get used to that new tempo.

Of course, you don’t have to go too far with it.

Try to find the sweat spot, when you don’t sound like a robot, and when it still has a natural flow to it.

Just practice it until you get to that sweat spot of confidence, and next time, when you go out to talk to women, try to actually use what you’ve been practicing.

  • Allow yourself to emphasize what you want to say.
  • Don’t rush with it.
  • And simply give yourself the time and space to tell what you have to say, in a calm, relaxed and confident way.

I usually give 1 week of trial to every exercise that is new in my life, so I would advise you to do the same way.

No excuses in the first week.

Right now, you are at step 4/10, in the 10-step system on how to find your ideal partner.

Continue the system with the next small bite, here.

If you don’t know about this system yet, BUT you truly want to find your ideal partner, then see the full 10-step system here.

Thank you for reading through. If you liked this post, please consider subscribing to my newsletter down below, for more dating and relationship advice.

Until next time.

Take care.

Thomas Kallos Find Your Ideal Partner

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