My first approach that broke the ice
It’s funny how even skeptical people can change their minds in minutes, and they only need a “What the hell” moment to get there.
It all started with a stupid experiment.
This was my first approach that broke the ice for me, based on a true story.
I was 21, in my 3rd year of faculty in Kraków as an Erasmus student. It was the phase in my life, when I was slowly starting to socialize, meet new people and make new friends.
Before I went to Kraków, I had a 3-year-long relationship, and I spent most of my time being with her. Besides that, I studied a lot, since I was a total nerd at the time, with almost perfect grades.
My social life back then? Zero.
But it was time to change things.
In Kraków, I was watching a series called “Keys to the VIP”.
It’s basically a series about pick-up, where two guys are competing against each other in a club.
They get tasks like:
- Get her phone number under 3 minutes.
- Get a kiss from her in 5 minutes.
- Initiate with a certain line and then get her number.
And many variations of that.
Back in the days, one of my friends showed me one episode, of a “perfectly executed approach“, where he got the number of a gorgeous girl, in just a few minutes.
Today, I think, that that approach is a pure masterpiece.
Back then, I simply thought it’s FAKE.
I was convinced that it’s a role play.
That they were actors, and it was just an act.
“Come on man.
This is so fake.
This is bulls*it.”
This is what I said to my friend, right after he showed me the approach.
BUT. I was still watching it in Kraków, since it was kind of entertaining.
One day, after an episode, I got really pissed and curious at the same time.
I was SO skeptical, but I wanted to find out, if this is all true or not.
“Man. It can’t be true.
It can’t be…”
My real frustration was, that if all this turned out to be true, then it would have been a clear proof, that I was just avoiding approaching women, because I was too afraid to go in.
So at the time, it was easier to be a hater, then to face the harsh reality.
So, I decided to make a little EXPERIMENT.
Somehow I managed to put my pride aside, and told to myself, that I’m going to learn and present those lines the same way, which I saw in one episode, where he made a successful approach.
I’m going to use the same words, with the same tonality, and with the same style.
I combined that with a “right-hand spin” technique I just saw on YouTube back then.
Maybe you’re familiar also with the video, when the Polish guy explains, how you simply reach out to her left hand with your right hand, pull her in gently with a spin, and afterwards, your left hand lands on her hips.
So I had the “masterpiece plan” ready to be tested.
Some lines I just learned from a series, and the “right-hand spin” technique, that I just saw on YouTube.
Couldn’t be any better, right?
The point was, that I really wanted to find out, whether those approaches were real or fake in the series.
So I started to learn those lines by heart, and practiced them, together with the spinning move, when nobody was home. (Can you imagine that?)
The next time I went to the club, I went only by myself.
Actually, it was my first time, that I went on my own.
I remember exactly how nervous I was, until I got there.
I repeated a few more times what I had to say, but the more I kept repeating how the approach will be, the more I started to overthink it, and the more I got inside my head.
But enough of overthinking.
I’ve finally arrived to the club.
I showed my student ID to the bodyguard, and I went downstairs, straight to the dance floor.
There weren’t many people inside, since it was only around 10PM, and the party was just about to get started.
But I remember that there were 3 girls dancing on the dance floor already, drinking some beers and having a great time.
In the rest, there were only 10 people sitting and standing in the corner.
Not only that the dance floor was almost empty, but when I got there, I was so tense, that I almost forgot everything I’ve been practicing until then.
You know how it is. When the club is full, nobody cares that much.
But if there are only a few people in the club, and everybody is waiting for the party to get started, then all eyes are on you if you fail.
And that made it even worse.
I was standing there.
Watching those 3 girls dancing.
Waiting for the perfect moment.
Waiting to get some confidence, to be able to take the first step.
I was already prepared to get rejected, and honestly, I just wanted to get over it, and to prove it to myself, that all this is just nonsense.
I was extremely nervous at that moment, but I had to make a move.
So I took a big breath, and I went in.
It all happened so fast.
I took a few steps forward, and immediately I started to talk to the girl in the middle.
I reached my hand to her, and I did the legendary “right-hand spin” move.
WOW. It worked.
Quickly, I remembered the next line, so I said that to her.
Followed by the next question.
And followed by the next line.
But unfortunately, I’ve run out of things to say.
Awkward silence for a few minutes.
It seems like I wasn’t prepared enough.
And honestly, I was prepared, that I will be instantly rejected.
I didn’t know what to tell next or what to do, so we were just dancing there, until the song has come to an end.
Then we said goodbye to each other, and I went in the corner to sit down for a bit.
My thoughts in that moment were something like this:
What the hell just happened?”
It was a huge shock for me.
I couldn’t believe my eyes, what just happened.
I had so many questions at once, to which suddenly, I couldn’t find the answers.
“Why the hell did she talk to me at all?”
“I’m not even attractive.”
“I’m not even interesting.”
“These were just some basic topics and some basic questions. So why? What the hell?”
- Only afterwards I understood, that this was the epiphany moment, that started to change everything.
- That was the “what the hell” experience, that helped me destroy my old limiting beliefs, and brought a completely new reality into my life.
- Basically, that was my first approach that broke the ice, and made me understand how much is actually possible.
With time, I came to the conclusion, that this is something learnable.
Even for those, for whom it doesn’t come naturally to talk to people, or who have a socially more awkward personality.
But only if we are able to put our pride aside for a moment, and we’re willing to be open enough for change. (Just like in my case.)
After all this, I started to go more frequently clubbing, but without much success.
I knew that it was possible, and I had the motivation as well, but I didn’t have the structure, nor the knowledge, so I tried to figure it out myself for a long time.
But only until my next Erasmus semester in Bratislava, when I started to analyze social dynamics in more depth, and when I actually got myself into dating.
And only 1 year after I got myself into dating, I found my ideal partner.
And all this have started, because of a stupid experiment.
All this, thanks to the fact, that I gave this random thing a chance, even though I was extremely skeptical about it.
It’s so awesome, how this butterfly effect works.
Don’t you think?
Thank you for reading through, and I hope this was a great push for you, to make your own experiments as well.
If you’ve decided to finally find your ideal partner, and you are ready to sort out this area of your life as well, then reach out to me personally here.
Until next time.
Thomas Kallos – Find Your Ideal Partner