When we truly like someone, then naturally, we’ll do everything for her to have a great time on the date. And after the date, we’ll anxiously wait to see, if she liked us as well or not. Unfortunately, if we have oneitis when dating, that pressure, and that feeling of walking on eggshells will come along, no matter what, and it will stop us from being our best selves.
So let’s see how this can influence the quality of your date, and what can you do if you have oneitis when dating.
Table of Contents
- What is oneitis?
- Oneitis when dating – The psychology behind
- Oneitis when dating? Here’s what you can do.
What is oneitis?
Let’s recap quickly. Oneitis is simply an unhealthy attachment to a person, in this case, to a woman. We feel like she is the one, and we are convinced that she is meant for us. Thus, we’ll get fixated on this one person, and we’ll do anything, in order not to get rejected.
“She is so good. We must have her.“
(Our mind)
Oneitis when dating – The psychology behind
Let me start out with this.
Having oneitis when dating is a dangerous place to be.
- Since in our head, she is everything.
- She is our only option.
- We can’t lose her.
- We have to play it safe.
- And we can’t make any wrong moves.
And that’s why, as long as we have oneitis when dating, we’ll constantly be walking on eggshells.
- Trying to please her.
- Trying to get her validation.
- And also, trying to make her like us.
You see, when we can’t be ourselves, we won’t be able to fully let go.
We will constantly analyze our each and every move, making sure that everything goes smoothly, according to the plan.
What’s THE PLAN?
Exactly. Not to lose her. Making sure that everything goes perfectly.
And trust me, if that’s the case, you’ll be afraid to even to crack a joke most of the time. Better think twice, before telling a bad joke, right?
“What if it’s too much?“
“What if she won’t like it?“
“What if she won’t laugh about it, and it will be awkward?“
(Our mind again)
Always wanting to make sure that she likes it.
That she’s having a great time.
That the date is going well.
Also, agreeing very often, so that we don’t get into a conflict.
But guess what.
That’s NOT what women want.
- What women really want is a confident guy, who is easy going, and who is not afraid to throw in some jokes every once in a while.
- They want a guy, who have their own opinion as well, and who makes it fun to be together.
- Women want a leader, who have their own plans and ideas.
- They want an interesting guy who won’t only agree on things, just for the sake of not having any conflicts.
Of course, you don’t have to go into extremes with being too confident, being too controlling, or always disagreeing with her. You simply have to know and feel the boundaries, and you’re good to go.
Relevant: 7 strategically great tips for the first date (Explained with examples)
Oneitis when dating? Here’s what you can do.
#1. Mindset
“She’s just another person. She’s just another girl.”
We might be all over her because of:
- Her smile
- Her laugh
- Her body
- Her charismatic self
- Her intelligence
- Her great sense of humor
Whatever the reason might be, we can’t actually create deep feelings for someone we’re just getting to know.
We have to realize that those strong emotions are blinding us, and they are creating a false illusion in our head.
That picture we’ve created about her, is just a projection of our fantasies. We don’t really know her yet, and that unknown only makes that illusion stronger.
And that why we need to apply this mindset.
Because in our head, she is flawless.
Because in our head, she is so good, that we can’t ruin it with her.
So, better take off that pressure of yourself, and see her as just another human being.
- Just like you.
- Just like me.
- And just like everybody else on this planet.
Maybe with greater looks, and with a nice character.
But we don’t know it yet.
So try NOT to see her as something supernatural, instead, take that pressure off, and try to see her as simply another human being.
#2. Mindset
“No matter what happens, I’ll be fine.”
In other words, learn to be indifferent.
Don’t get attached to any particular outcome in life, because it will only lead you to suffering.
Whether you’ll have another date with her, whether you’ll be rejected, you’ll be just fine.
If you can truly master this mindset, then you’ll prevent yourself from a lot of heart-breaks.
Plus you’ll be able to move on much faster in life, and see other greater opportunities that come along on your journey, without having to waste time on someone for months, or years.
Learn to let go of the outcome, and you’ll bring a more natural flow into your interaction.
#3. Rule
Always have options!
I can’t emphasize that enough.
Create those options.
And great news. You have full control over that.
You have to be prepared, that it is going to be uncomfortable, especially in the beginning. But you have to get out of your comfort zone, and meet new people.
Put yourself in new social circles, where you can meet new people.
Be outgoing and open to new opportunities.
Talk to men and women as well, and get in the habit of talking to people, because you’ll need that in the long run.
You’ll make a lot of friends this way, and you’ll increase your chances of finding a great partner on the way.
But you need to have options.
Because if you’re stuck on that oneitis when dating, if you’re stuck on that one option of yours, then you are simply wasting your time, and you are wasting lots and lots of opportunities.
She might be a great opportunity as well. Who knows. But if you want to know if that’s the case, then simply ask her out and find it out.
Don’t waste years of your life on one person.
Don’t get fixated on one person.
Simply face reality, without procrastinating too much, and see things as they are.
Right now, you are at step 5/10, in the 10-step system on how to find your ideal partner.
Continue the system with the next small bite, here.
If you don’t know about this system yet, BUT you truly want to find your ideal partner, then see the full 10-step system here.
Thank you for reading through. If you liked this post, please consider subscribing to my newsletter down below, for more dating and relationship advice.
Until next time.
Take care.
Thomas Kallos – Find Your Ideal Partner
