Never Ignore these 13 Red Flags When Dating Her the First Time (Explained)

There is NO WAY you can find your ideal partner without knowing about these top 13 red flags when dating her the first time.

If you are someone who’s constantly attracting the wrong person into their lives, or someone who falls in love fast, then this list is a MUST for you!

So, watch out for these 13 red flags when dating her the first time, and learn to filter out toxic people in an early stage.

Table of Contents

What is a red flag?

red flag when dating

A red flag is simply an indicator that tells you, that something isn’t right with that person.

They are little signs that tell you to be careful, because they might be toxic from the inside, even though, they might look gorgeous from the outside.

Red flags are your best friends.

Since they will let you know in advance, who you should avoid at all cost, and with whom you should engage more.

They will save you a lot of time, and will save you from a lot of pain and frustration, if you learn to recognize them right away.

What should I do when I recognize a red flag?

If you recognize a red flag when dating her the first time, it doesn’t mean, that you should end the date, that you should confront her about it, or be rude to her.

It simply means, that as soon as you recognize a red flag, an alarm should be ringing in the back of your head, and it should simply tell you:

“WARNING. Be careful with her. Something isn’t right”.

warning red flag when dating

Also, if you recognize any of these red flags, don’t try to change her.

That is not your job.

Simply be aware of these red flags when dating, and after the date is over, just evaluate in yourself.

  • You don’t have to overthink it.
  • You don’t have to overanalyze it.
  • It should be obvious from the get go, if she falls in any of these categories or not.

And as you go, with time, it will be more obvious to you, if they are a poor choice or not in the first 10-20 minutes of the conversation.

So, without and further ado, let’s jump right into it.

The top 13 red flags when dating her the first time

1) She is talking a lot about her exes

talking about exes red flag when dating

If she is constantly talking about her exes on the first date, it only means one thing.

  • She didn’t move on, and she is thinking about them a lot.
  • It is clear that they didn’t move on for real, and that they are not ready for a serious relationship yet.
  • Plus, if one of their exes came back to her, chances are, that she would choose him over you.

The explanation is simple.

  • They have a past together.
  • They have a lot of memories together.
  • Thus, she is much more emotionally bonded to him, than she is to you.

And if she couldn’t get over him, then she WILL talk about him a lot on your first date.

I’m not talking about bringing up her ex once, because it would be absurd to take that as a red flag.

But when she is bringing him up multiple times, that really means something.

And it should be a huge red flag for you.

So, only ignore it on your own risk.

2) She gets jealous if you go out with your friends over her, or with opposite sex friends

Let me start out with this.

After the first date, she is not your girlfriend, and you are not her boyfriend.

  • There are so many guys out there, who think that they are together, only after the first date.
  • And so many women out there get offended, if you would go out with your friends, or with a friend of the opposite sex over them, just after getting to know each other.

These are simply unrealistic expectations, and they will bring you a lot of drama in your life.

And it doesn’t worth it. At all.

Doesn’t matter how good-looking she is.

Because it is controlling, and it all comes from her own insecurities.

And that jealousy can grow over time.

And you might wake up at one point, that she gets upset and jealous over everything, that she might consider suspicious.

3) She always talks about herself, barely asks anything about you

If you are dating someone the first time, and they don’t seem to care for you, but rather they’re constantly talking about themselves, take it as a big red flag.

It’s not about how much you like them, it’s more about a balance, how much they are investing in the relationship as well.

And by this I mean, her being genuinely interested in you.

A person who is constantly talking about themselves, is too much preoccupied with their own thought, feelings and intentions.

These people lack empathy, and might even be a potential narcissist.

So if you date someone who is really self-centered, who doesn’t show genuine signs of interest towards you, but rather is constantly telling stories about themselves and barely asks anything back, then I’d definitely take it as a big red flag.

4) She wants too much, too quickly

  • She texts you too much.
  • She calls you too much.
  • And she wants to be around you 24/7, and texts back instantly most of the time.

And all this just after the first date(s).

They can get attached really quickly to someone.

And it only means, that they are desperate for a new relationship and are seeking to be loved.

A healthy relationship is playful, and it can’t be rushed.

Ideally, they both understand, that knowing someone takes time, and by wanting too much, too quickly, will only scare the other person away.

5) She’s always trying to prove that she wasn’t wrong

gets upset red flag when dating

There is nothing worse than a person who can’t take responsibility for their own decisions.

You can spot these type of people by simply observing if they blame others or not.

If something doesn’t go according to their expectations, do they take ownership and point to themselves, or are they instantly coming up with an excuse, and try to explain why they weren’t for the blame!?

„It was because ….” (pointing at something else)

This simple expression, with the gesture of blaming someone/something else, can tell so much about a person.

They will constantly try to prove that they were right, and they will constantly try to avoid being wrong.

It wasn’t their fault!

This is the core of a victim mindset.

And this could be the beginning of a disaster, if you ignore this red flag when dating her.

So better understand the sub-communication, and recognize it, when it’s the case.

6) She has no ambitions, goals or hobbies

If you are looking for a serious relationship, I definitely recommend you to watch out for this one.

If she doesn’t have ambitions, goals or hobbies (watching movies isn’t a hobby), then I guarantee you she will be bored a lot.

Likewise, she will suffocate you, since she doesn’t have many things going on in her life.

And what do I mean by hobbies?

  • Well, something you can practice and become better at it.
  • Something you can nurture over time.
  • Something that requires patience, time and repetitions to master it.

It can be anything.

Dancing, painting, singing, exercising, running, gym, writing…

The opportunities are endless.

But if she doesn’t have any hobbies or ambitions in her life, I guarantee you, that she WILL be too much, after you really get to know her.

7) She is constantly complaining about many things

  • Complaining about their exes.
  • Complaining about their current situation.
  • Or complaining about their life in general.

It only tells, that they have a lot of unresolved issues in their lives, and that they can’t really take ownership for their actions.

We can do something about our situation any time and change it if we wanted to.

But of course it takes much more time and effort to change, and it’s much harder to admit that maybe we are for the blame. And it’s much easier to complain and express our dissatisfaction instead.

These kinds of people are typically very hard to satisfy, since they can always find something to complain about.

So please.


Do yourself a favor.

And don’t try to change these people.

Simply see this as a sign of incompatibility, and move on.

8) She tends to compliment and praise herself a lot

It tells us 3 simple things:

  • Potential narcissist.
  • Lack of humbleness.
  • Insecurity on a deeper level.

Just like those, who are constantly talking about themselves, these people are also very self-centered.

I’m not talking about her letting you know what they’ve achieved currently in a humble way.


I’m talking about those who would CONSTANTLY tell you how great they really are.

I don’t even know which is worse.

This, or the ones who only talk about themselves.

Nevertheless, be aware of these signs, and get away from these people who would constantly praise themselves.

Because they love themselves too much.

9) She is under-sharing

red flag when dating under sharing

These women are the mysterious ones.

They won’t open up easily, and they won’t answer basic questions about themselves.

  • The first date should be all about getting to know each other.
  • About bonding and connecting.
  • About sharing things about yourselves, of course slowly, as the relationship develops.

But how can you connect with someone, who would barely open up for you?

  • Barely would talk about her past.
  • Wouldn’t talk about previous relationships at all.
  • Or would barely talk about her life in general.

These are basic topics for the first date(s), and someone who would get all mysterious about it, are simply under sharing.

10) She loses temper fast and is impolite

If she gets upset from out of the blue on the first date, that should be an obvious warning for you.

For example:

  • If the row is too long.
  • If you have to wait for the bus for too long.
  • And if all seats are reserved in the restaurant.
  • Or if it’s raining again.

If in any random situation, she can lose her temper really fast, that’s just a big red flag when dating.

Just imagine if the two of you had a fight.

Do you think she would behave differently?

Well, I don’t think so.

We simply have to understand and be aware of these red flags when dating, in order to have a drama free life.

And don’t try to save her, or to change her.

Because it’s not your job to do so, and because it doesn’t worth it.

11) She is sh*t talking and gossiping about others a lot

These people don’t have respect for others.

They tend to like drama, and they seem to be searching for it on a frequent basis.

  • They would sh*t talk about their exes a lot.
  • They would constantly bring negative vibes about their friends when they are not around.
  • Also, they might even sh*t talk about their family members and loved ones as well.

Oh, and if you will get into a big fight or so.

I guarantee she will sh*t talk about you as well.

If she’s doing it to others when they are not around, then she’s going to do it to you as well, the same way.

So watch out for the sh*t talkers and gossipers.

It’s a great way to know who you should avoid, just after the first date.

12) She always expects you to pay

she expects you to pay red flag when dating

Well, this isn’t something that can be applied specifically for the first date, but it’s something really important to know about, for later on.

So. Often times on the first date we would bring her to a restaurant, or in a place where the bill will eventually come, and the question appears.

Who should be paying?

So. If she is someone who wouldn’t show any sign of even TRYING to contribute to the bill, then what?

It might be a red flag, but we don’t know it yet.

Let’s say it happened because it was the first date, and the gentlemen codex says that men should pay.

Women know about this rule, so let’s look aside from it.

But what if that happens on the second date, and the third date?

Then I think we can already take it as a red flag.

  • If the bill comes, and she is looking the other way.
  • Suddenly scrolling through her phone.
  • Or simply waiting there and not doing anything.

Then she is expecting you to pay for her time.

  • That just tells me, that she isn’t treating you as a partner.
  • That she is seeing herself as a more valuable person than you are.
  • Because an ideal partner wouldn’t treat you like that.
  • Because an ideal partner wouldn’t want you to always pay.

The same is with a best friend.

A best friend wouldn’t want you to always pay, right?

And I would see this from the same perspective.

I’m not saying that it should always be 50/50.

All I’m saying is, that she should be contributing to the bill in some way or form.

Or at least show some sign of WILLINGNESS to contribute to the bill in a way.

So if she is expecting you to always pay, then I would definitely think twice about engaging with her in a serious relationship.

13) She cheated on her exes

If she was a cheater in the past, unfortunately that indicates, that she will be a cheater in the future as well.

red flag when dating blinded by love

Unless, if she is working on herself, which barely happens, unfortunately.

But exceptions do happen.

The truth is, that cheating becomes a habit.

They feel like they can get away with it, so why not do it again, and again?

And they will do it, until their partner had enough, and they finally stood up for themselves.

But then comes the next partner, which might be you?!

So be careful of this red flag when dating her the first time, because it’s really hard to escape the habit of cheating.

And don’t try to save her, because it’s not your job to do so.

Plus, it doesn’t even worth it.

So, please!

Don’t ignore any of these red flags, especially in the beginning.

For your own well being.

+Extra tip:

Don’t let yourself blinded by love, before you’re actually getting to know her!

Right now, you are at step 9/10, in the 10-step system on how to find your ideal partner.

Continue the system with the next small bite, here.

If you don’t know about this system yet, BUT you truly want to find your ideal partner, then see the full 10-step system here.

Thank you for reading through. If you liked this post, please consider subscribing to my newsletter down below, for more dating and relationship advice.

Until next time.

Take care.

Thomas Kallos Find Your Ideal Partner

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