I’ll never find love.
I will never find a partner.
Will I ever find love?
If you’re afraid that you’ll never find love, because it simply doesn’t work out for you, regardless how or where you try, then stick until the end, because I’m about to go deeper on this topic.
Here are the 4 signs you will never find love. Of course, unless you are willing to do something about it. We will cover that as well.
Table of Contents
- 4 Signs You Will Never Find Love
- 1) Choosing to close yourself away from the world – An avoidant lifestyle
- 2) The stories we keep telling to ourselves – All these theories
- 3) Being too serious in a bad way – Overthinking and overanalyzing
- 4) “That’s just the way I am” – Not willing to change
- Solution – What can you do about it?
4 Signs You Will Never Find Love
Just before we start: Each of these 4 points are going to be some hard pills to swallow, since our ego is always present. It’s protecting us from feeling bad about ourselves. So, if you truly want to find out why it’s so hard to find love, I’d recommend approaching this, with an honest and open mind.
1) Choosing to close yourself away from the world – An avoidant lifestyle
Allow me to start by asking these 2 question.
- If you’re staying at home by yourself.
- If you’re not open to meet new people.
- And if you are not willing to get out of your comfort zone and go out.
- Then how do you expect to find true love?
- Where and when do you expect to meet her?
Try to ask yourself these, and try to give an honest answer to yourself.
And, yes. I get it.
- It’s hard.
- It’s uncomfortable.
- And it can feel so weird sometimes to talk to new people.
Especially if you’ve been inside for a longer period of time.
We like to do the things we’re good at.
And the opposite is true as well. We don’t like to do the things we’re not good at.
It’s just human nature. It’s how we work.
But it’s a vicious circle, and it’s not that easy to escape it.
- Since we’re not good at socializing, we don’t go out.
- And since we don’t go out socializing, we’re not going to get better at it.
And it goes on and on, until we decide to close ourselves away from the world.
The more we stay inside, the harder it will get to open up.
- It feels damn good to be at home by yourself, if you have social anxiety.
- To be in a safe place, where you don’t need to talk to anybody.
- Where you can be yourself without having to feel uncomfortable.
That’s totally fine. There’s honestly nothing wrong with staying at home and not always meeting new people.
If you truly want to find love, then you’ll have to open up at some point.
You are the guy. You will have to go there and say hi to her.
Don’t expect her to do that job.
Even if she liked you, most often she wouldn’t come over to say hi, because that would only make her seem desperate and too easy to get. And no woman wants that.
Men and women are not built equally in terms of approaching and dating.
So, take that weight off of their shoulders, and don’t wait for them to come to you.
Because that’s your job.
This avoidant lifestyle isn’t going to help you. It’s one of the signs you will never find love, actually. Unfortunately.
Unless you’re about to step up and change things.
2) The stories we keep telling to ourselves – All these theories
Can you come up with a person in mind, who has a pretty complicated life, just because they have all these theories fixed in their head? I’m sure you can think about at least one person like that.
All these theories and rules they are having.
Where are they coming from in the first place?
Well, it all goes like this.
- First, we experience something.
- We label that experience somehow and create a story about it.
- From those stories, we create these theories.
- And when we are convinced about those theories, they become beliefs.
There are only a few things harder than changing someone’s belief.
And if we are going to get convinced about certain things the wrong way, then our belief system is just going to be built up of the wrong theories and rules.
Which will eventually make our lives complicated.
Without even realizing it. Since we are so convinced about them.
And actually that’s the hard part. We don’t even realize it. And often times only after suffering for a longer period of time, we will be able to admit our own mistakes. To admit that the theories we had weren’t really helping us.
Let me give you an example:
Let’s say you are convinced, that you have to have money to get women.
The experience – Once you wanted to talk to a cute girl, but she rejected you. Later you saw her talking with another guy, who you knew had money, or even saw him inviting her for a drink or something.
The theory – “He got her because he has money. If I had money, I could get her, too.”
The belief – You have to have money to get women.
Of course, there are SOME advantages of having money when we talk about dating, and there is some truth to it. Again, some advantages. But that’s not all. Confidence, character, and the way you present yourself weighs so much more if you want to make her attracted to you.
And if you are convinced about that theory, and have that belief about women and money, then you will live accordingly.
This is what I mean by being convinced the wrong way. And this is why it’s one of the major signs you will never find love. Unless you are willing to do something about it.
3) Being too serious in a bad way – Overthinking and overanalyzing
There are occasions when we can’t let go, and when we catch ourselves analyzing about certain situations, or certain people.
For some of us it happens more often, for some of us just a few times.
And if we’re too serious about things in general, and can’t let go, then most probably we are going to be analyzing in the background quite often.
And if we’re too much in that analyzing mode, then we will slowly start to overthink and overanalyze many things.
We start to get inside our heads, and the negative downward spiral slowly begins.
“What’s the reason of all of this?”
- One thing I’ve noticed over the years is, that people who are having a great time, wouldn’t focus on that question, and also wouldn’t overthink it. They simply let go and enjoy the ride.
- While those who don’t really enjoy it, tend to overthink it, and think it through.
Why? Because they’re not having fun, and they don’t see the point.
And since it’s hard for them to let go, it’s going to be a bit hard for them to enjoy the ride as well.
Not to mention, what if we are constantly living in our heads. Always thinking and analyzing in the background. Then we’ll only come up with more and more theories about reality. Which could make our life a bit more complicated. Just like it made it complicated for the person we had in our minds previously.
So, if you’re an overthinker or an over analyzer, then maybe it’s better to drop that seriousness, and approach life from a more playful and a bit more easy going angle.
It’s one of the signs you will never find love, since it stops you from socializing, from letting go, and from improving your social skills. And you will definitely need that, if you want to find an amazing partner. Or even if you just want to make more friends.
4) “That’s just the way I am” – Not willing to change
Saying “That’s just the way I am” is such a big waste of opportunity for growth.
- Accepting you will never find love.
- Deciding, that you’re like that, and that you can’t do anything about it.
It’s somehow understandable at the point, when you tried to find love so many times, but it simply didn’t work out for you.
- No matter how many times you tried.
- No matter which new method you tried.
- And no matter how hard you tried.
It simply didn’t work out.
So, from this point of view, it can be understandable to believe, that “That’s just the way I am.” Right?
And again. There are only a few things harder than changing someone’s mind.
So I’ll try to approach this carefully, with these 3 questions.
- What if you aren’t like that, but you simply weren’t trying the right way until now?
- And what if you DID try the right way, you were really starting to have success?
- Can’t that be an option?
And yes, I know it’s a hard pill to swallow.
And yes, I know that our ego is involved, and we don’t like it when someone questions our decisions and actions.
I don’t like it, either. Nobody likes it.
But here’s the truth, that I believe you need to hear.
- Not willing to change is a choice.
- And by saying “That’s just the way I am”, we were choosing not to change.
One of the biggest signs you will never find love, unfortunately.
As Thomas Jefferson once said:
“If you want something you have never had, you must be willing to do something you have never done.”
- And I know it’s hard in the beginning.
- It’s hard to get started when you don’t even know where to start.
- Or to get started again when you’ve already given it a few tries.
But if you want it badly enough, if you’re tired of being single, and if you finally want to sort out this area of your life as well, then I’m sure your ego won’t stop you from finding true love, and from finding a loving partner you truly deserve.
Solution – What can you do about it?
1) Be kind to yourself when you start socializing – Start small and don’t overwhelm yourself too much in the beginning. Just one bite at a time. If you’ve been closing yourself away in extreme ways, then maybe just meeting an old friend could be a great starter. Drop your high-expectations towards yourself, and simply enjoy the progress you are making by pushing your own limits. Only the fact that you’re out there, outside your comfort zone, is a huge win already.
2) What would you tell to a close friend to do, if you saw them having all these interesting theories? – Do the same thing, that you would advise to a close friend to do in the same situation. Also be aware, that if you did give them advice, then maybe they would receive your advice with resistance. So be prepared that YOU are going to show resistance as well, when you are going to be told to change a belief. The more our ego is involved, the harder it’s going to be.
3) Learn to laugh about yourself and drop logic in social interactions – Self-deprecating jokes are a good way to start. It helps you to let go a bit, to drop logic, plus it’s not even offensive to anyone, since you are making fun of yourself. You can exaggerate here and there just a bit, and try to drop that logical thinking. Logic helps you in rational decision-making, but it most often won’t help you in social interactions.
4) Leave your ego at the back-door and give it another shot – Even if you tried it a few times already. There is always a way. A smart way. I’m sure there were countless people in the same situation as you are right now, who were able to overcome the same problem that you have. So if they could do it, I’m sure you can as well. Just leave your ego behind, and give it another smart shot.
If you don’t know where to start – Start Here
How to Find Your Ideal Partner – The Ultimate 10-Step System
A strategical step-by-step system on how you can find your ideal partner. Even if you start from ZERO.
- With specific exercises.
- With belief changing mindsets.
- Everything you need to know, step-by-step.
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Until next time.
Thomas Kallos – Find Your Ideal Partner