Here are 7 strategically great tips for the first date, to make a great first impression, to build connection and chemistry. Do everything right, and you can make sure, that she will want to meet with you for the second date as well.
Also, you can find out a lot about her just on the first date.
Whether she is a high-value individual with a mature character, or whether she is just beautiful from the outside, but empty from the inside.
Give her a bad first impression, and I can almost guarantee you that she won’t text you back anymore, and she will disappear from one day to the other.
So, with that said, here are 7 strategically smart tips for the first date, so you don’t miss another great opportunity when the time comes.
Table of Contents
- 1) Go slow, but still make it man to woman
- 2) The balance between leading and agreeing
- 3) Ask her the right questions
- 4) Bring her somewhere unique
- 5) Your appearance does matter
- 6) Confidence and not arrogance
- 7) The art of indifference
1) Go slow, but still make it man to woman
Flirting can’t be speeded up. It can’t be rushed. Any flirtatious interaction which is going too fast will lose from its spark immediately. Because flirting naturally has a slow pace. And that is why you need to learn to slow down when you are interacting with her.
Going slow also means, that you shouldn’t give her too many compliments up front. Just behave as if she was one of your best friends. Have a casual chat with her, crack some jokes, and focus on having a great time. Otherwise, you are just going to be categorized as another guy who wants to F her.
But, here’s the challenge. You still have to make it man to woman. But not just yet.
In other words, the TIMING matters!
Make sure to have a great time in the beginning, and later on you can sprinkle some compliments. Then take a step back, and see how she reacts. Continue with some casual talk or jokes, and later on you can tease her again in a playful way.
This is what going slow means, while still making it man to woman.
These are small risks that you’ll have to take, if you want to create chemistry.
Two steps forward, one step back. Don’t forget to calibrate your interaction. If you see she was offended by a stupid joke, simply acknowledge, and then take a step back.
It is a matter of time and practice until you will start to feel the rhythm of this dance.
Also, try to avoid at all cost asking her logical or rational questions too often. It is not a job interview. Make it playful, have fun, have a great time, take it slow, but still make it man to woman.
If you want to have a second date with her, then you’ll have to create some real chemistry on the first one.
2) The balance between leading and agreeing
Often times, it’s hard to be a leader without giving her the impression of being too controlling.
Also, we don’t want to agree on everything, or almost everything, because that will just give her a feeling, that we don’t have our own opinion or identity. It can get boring after a while, it’s flat, and it’s not masculine at all, which can eventually turn her off.
So where is the balance between these two extremes?
Here’s the secret.
Being a leader only means to having a plan in mind, and inviting her into that narrative.
You don’t have to stick to that plan necessarily, at all cost.
There is this common phrase in the pickup community that says:
“You have to keep your frame, otherwise she will be the one who controls the interaction…”
It’s not about that, and I think this idea of holding the frame at all cost brings so much confusion and misunderstanding when this question arises.
Basically, if she has something else on her mind, you can ask her what is that, and you can start a “negotiation” from there.
Simply come up with an idea, with a plan, invite her into that, and if she wanted to do something else, then talk it through.
Agreeing with her isn’t going to make you weak.
On the other hand, agreeing with her (almost) every time, without ever coming up with your own ideas, WILL going to turn her off slowly, but surely.
There’s a huge difference, and you need to learn to distinguish them, if you want to become a great leader, and if you want to make a good first impression.
3) Ask her the right questions
If you know the right questions, then you are halfway there.
You see, everybody likes to talk about themselves. We like to share our own stories with others, and if we feel heard and understood, then we also feel more connected to that person.
These go hand in hand, so remember to ask more than you talk about yourself on the first date.
Here are some tips for the first date:
Ask about her “secret” future plans.
“Do you have some secret plans for the future, that nobody knows about?”
Ask about her hobbies.
“What hobbies do you have?
Which one is your favorite?”
Ask about what does she like to do in her spare time.
“What do you usually do in your spare time?”
Ask about whether she has a secret crush on someone.
“Do you have a secret crush on someone?
Maybe a celebrity?”
Ask about her parents and her relationship with them.
“How often do you talk with your parents?
How often do you meet?
How is your relationship with your mother?
And with your father?“
Ask about an awkward story from her past, and share one with her as well.
“What was one of the most awkward things you’ve done in your past?
You tell me one, and I’ll go after you, what do you say?”
Ask about friendship.
“What do you value the most about friendship?“
Ask about one thing in her life that she feels grateful for.
“What is it, in your life, that you feel the most grateful for?”
And so on.
The point is to make it a little playful, bring some joy and humor in the atmosphere, and to get to know her personality.
I encourage you to play with these questions and ideas, and to come up with your own ones as well.
Don’t just ask them and move forward, go a little deeper and continue the conversation.
Try to be more playful and humorous, rather than logical and rational.
After all, it’s a date and not a job interview.
4) Bring her somewhere unique
Let’s start with the classical “romantic restaurant”.
It is still a great option where to take her, but I’m pretty sure most guys will bring them here.
So if you were thinking about something else, then here are some tips for the first date where you can bring her:
Hot vine + Christmas market during winter:
If it’s winter, you know this is the one for you.
Select a place where the Christmas market is open, and they have hot wine.
It’s a great way to initiate physical contact also, if she’s cold, or in a better scenario, to escalate things to a warmer and more comfortable room.
In other words, your flat shouldn’t be that far from the market, just in case.
Hammock + her favorite drink:
Actually, this one is my favorite, since it gives you an opportunity to sit or lay close to each other right up front.
So if it’s warm enough outside, then just find a park full of trees, find out her favorite drink, and you’re good to go.
Don’t let her know where you’ll bring her yet. Just tell her that it’s going to be a surprise, and simply arrange the meeting point and time.
Oh, and before you try this, make sure you know how to make a knot for the hammock.
It takes literally 2 minute to learn it.
If you have a local zoo café, it might be the perfect place for the first date.
Combine hot chocolate with some adorable puppies.
What else do you really need to win her over?
No man who loves animals can be a bad man, right?
Shared common activities:
Bring her somewhere, where you can do some activities together.
It can be anything that both of you enjoy doing:
- Basketball free throws
- Local quiz night
The point is to make it fun!
You can tease her a little here and there, or crack some self-deprecating jokes when you missed a shot.
Try not to focus fully on the activity, but rather use it as a TOOL that would bring some playfulness in the conversation.
Picnic + you cook:
For those of you who like to cook, this is your opportunity.
Bring her to a place with a wonderful view, and win her over with your cooking skills.
You can also arrange the next meeting at your place/her place, so she can show what she’s capable of in the kitchen. I mean, we just want to know her cooking skills. Right?
It’s unique, and you can play around with it just as much as you want.
5) Your appearance does matter
They always say to be yourself, and she will love you for who you are.
And it’s true. To a certain extent.
But here is a hard pill to swallow:
Your appearance does matter.
You can’t change the way your face looks, or certain flaws, that you really hate about yourself (height, baldness, nose, eyes, mouth…), right?
So you’ll have to accept it, and play with the cards, that you have in your hands.
But one thing you can definitely have control over.
Here is a great mindset exercise I used many times during my life, to avoid thinking about my looks. (By the way, I never thought, that I was attractive to women)
Take your best clothes on.
Put your best perfume on.
Arrange your hair.
Take your best shoes on.
Gain some confidence for a moment.
Look in the mirror and tell this to yourself:
“It’s really my best outfit. So why bother with my looks tonight? After all, confidence is the sexiest makeup a man can have.”
In other words:
Wear your best outfit and realize that you did everything you could with your appearance.
This way, you don’t have to think about it anymore, and you don’t have to worry about what she might think about your looks.
So now you can shift all your focus to go with the flow, and to be present.
And that is the real goal here.
To take that mental burden off of yourself as soon as you can, so you can focus on the things that really matter.
6) Confidence and not arrogance
There is a fine line between being confident and being arrogant.
And it’s easy to cross the line, and to give her a bad first impression.
Being confident means that you know your abilities, your own worth, and what you are capable of.
It doesn’t mean that you feel superior to others, and this is where most people miss the point.
It simply means, that you feel secure, that you trust in yourself and your abilities, in a realistic way.
On the other hand, arrogance can be described as the following, according to Merriam-Webster dictionary:
“Exaggerating or disposed to exaggerate one’s own worth or importance often by an overbearing manner.”
So try not to brag too much about yourself, or how good you are in general.
Even if you are super talented in something, don’t compliment yourself.
They will know it, even if you don’t explain it to them how good you are.
This doesn’t mean you can’t tell her what you’ve achieved last week.
But try to keep it low-key, as if it wasn’t a big deal.
That humbleness will make you more attractive.
And that true confidence, that you bring to the table, will definitely win her over.
7) The art of indifference
Out of all these tips for the first date, this is my favorite one.
It’s actually a mindset exercise, and it’s immensely powerful, if you truly understand it, and if you apply it the right way.
So, here’s one sentence, that you should be telling to yourself, before the first date, especially if you are a shy guy, who gets anxious during the date:
“She’s just another person.”
She is just another human being.
Isn’t that right, after all?
I know that feeling.
I know exactly how it is to forget everything you wanted to tell, when you’re around a gorgeous woman.
To freeze and to be paralyzed for a moment.
I’ve been there, since I’ve been a shy guy myself.
But that’s only because we put them on a pedestal.
And IF we truly believe that we will never meet another woman like her again, then our actions will show her that we are trying to play it safe, and we don’t want to lose her.
And I can assure you, that she will sense it, and that it will be a huge turn off for her.
Simply learn the art of indifference.
And that just means that whatever happens, you’ll be fine.
And you truly have to believe that.
This way, you don’t have to walk on eggshells all day long, thinking about what would be the best thing to do to impress her.
This way, you don’t have to be afraid, if that joke you were about to tell, would have been too much or not.
And at the same time, you don’t have to overthink all this BS that is (only) inside your head, because you know, that you don’t have that much to lose.
Because whatever happens, you’ll be fine.
Because she is just another person, she’s just another girl.
And when you can truly implement this mindset, when you won’t be afraid to lose her anymore, THEN you will be able to finally be yourself, to finally take those small risks, and to gain that confidence, that you were always looking for.
+Extra tip: Don’t forget to look out for the red flags. Ignore them at your own risk!
Let’s recap these 7 strategical tips for the first date once again:
- Go slow, but still make it man to woman
- The balance between leading and agreeing
- Ask her the right questions
- Bring her somewhere unique
- Your appearance does matter
- Confidence and not arrogance
- The art of indifference
Right now, you are at step 5/10, in the 10-step system on how to find your ideal partner.
Continue the system with the next small bite, here.
If you don’t know about this system yet, BUT you truly want to find your ideal partner, then see the full 10-step system here.
Thank you for reading through. If you liked this post, please consider subscribing to my newsletter down below, for more dating and relationship advice.
Until next time.
Thomas Kallos – Find Your Ideal Partner