“What’s taking so long?”
“Why didn’t she reply yet?”
She’s online but not replying. What the heck?
In the early phases of dating, or when you are just getting to know each other, it can be really frustrating, when we see her online, but she won’t even be taking the effort to reply. It can feel disrespectful sometimes, right? Although, more often, it’s not the case.
So let’s see what should we do, and what should we AVOID at all cost, when she is online but doesn’t reply.
Table of Contents
- Why is it so frustrating when she’s online but not replying?
- DON’Ts: What you should NEVER do when she is online but doesn’t reply?
- DOs: What you SHOULD do when she is online but doesn’t reply?
- P.S.: A bit of the cold truth
Why is it so frustrating when she’s online but not replying?
I) Because we care too much
We want her to reply, so we can be sure that everything is still alright.
We want her to like us, because we like her as well. Maybe too much.
Would we really get frustrated IF we didn’t care that much?
Think about that.
II) Because of our insecurities
We need that reassurance.
- That she still likes us.
- That we are still important for her.
- And also, that we still have a chance.
It’s really a lack of confidence, and from those insecurities, we can truly chase a lot of women out of our lives.
III) Because we draw conclusions from our own standards
What does that mean? That means, that in an opposite situation, we would act in a certain way, so we are kind of expecting the same behavior.
In other words, if most of the time we reply in a short period of time, that’s exactly what we expect in return.
You can see this happening in our everyday life as well:
- If we usually do precise work, we kind of expect precise work from others.
- If we usually clean up after ourselves, we kind of expect others to clean up after themselves as well.
- Also, if we are usually kind to others, we kind of expect that kind behavior as well.
You see, we are all a bit self-centered, and often times we don’t think from out of the box. From the other perspective. From another angle.
And if we are doing something in a certain way, we might think that most people are doing it the same way. It’s obvious to us, so it should be obvious to them as well, right?
And that’s why it’s frustrating, when she is online but doesn’t reply. Because, in the opposite situation, we would have replied already.
DON’Ts: What you should NEVER do when she is online but doesn’t reply?
1) Never text her immediately, or in a few hours
Do this, and you can make sure that she will back off in a few days.
- Her messages will be shorter.
- Her replies will take longer.
- Likewise, her interest level will drop.
Simply because you didn’t have enough patience to wait for her reply.
Writing in just a few hours, before we even got a reply, simply tells her that you are desperate for her reply, and that you don’t have that many things going on in your life.
They get a lot of messages from a lot of dudes, so it’s not something new for them.
It’s an INSTANT turn-off.
So avoid this at all cost.
2) Also, never text her under 24 hours
Don’t be impatient. Wait until she gets back to you.
- Maybe she has a lot of things on her mind.
- Maybe she is having a long day.
- Or maybe she is out with her friends enjoying her time, and doesn’t like to be on her phone during that time.
Who knows the real reason, but it actually doesn’t matter.
You only have to know ONE thing: If her interest level is high, she will get back to you.
So be patient, and don’t be like most guys, who panic if they don’t get a quick reply.
If she didn’t reply yet, wait at least 24 hours (better wait 2-3 days), before you send the next message.
3) Never make sure that the conversation is still alive
“Are you there?”
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Did you receive my message?”
Never ever send that to her, if you didn’t get a reply from her yet.
Again, the subconscious communication is, that you are desperate, afraid that you’ll lose her, and that you are impatient.
Not having a life full of exciting things. Being bored.
It’s immature, and that’s NOT what you want to communicate to her.
So, stay away from these type of messages, because they are huge turn-offs.
4) Never show her that you got offended
This is another huge one.
- Being butt-hurt.
- Showing her that she offended you with not writing back.
- Showing her know that we really wanted her to text back.
- And showing her that we didn’t forget about it.
So let’s not wait for her to ask “What’s wrong?”, followed by a “Nothing. Why?”, and expect her to make it up for us, because that’s just delusional.
Instead, let’s NOT get offended by her not replying yet.
How do we do that?
- By having a lot of great plans in our head, that we can’t wait to do.
- By having a lot of great friends, with whom we can’t wait to hang out.
- And by having big, long-term goals.
These can really solve a lot of things.
DOs: What you SHOULD do when she is online but doesn’t reply?
5) Wait at least 2–3 days before you send her another text
Ideally, I wouldn’t recommend to double text her at all, because if she didn’t come back to you in 2–3 days, then her interest level might be really low.
I know how it is to have a lot of things on our minds, but 2–3 days should be enough to text back someone.
But who knows what could have happened in her life, so we can try again to text her, after 2–3 days.
Here are some ideas, what you could send to her.
6) After waiting patiently – Send her a funny post
A great way to reinitiate the conversation, is by simply forgetting about the last one, and sending her something funny.
- It can be a funny post on Facebook
- A funny short video on TikTok
- A funny meme from 9GAG
You get the idea. Anything that would make her laugh is good.
Warning: If she didn’t reply for the second time (wait those 2–3 days, of course), then don’t bother texting her anymore. It’s a clear sign that she isn’t interested. If you were a priority, she would have found the time to reply. It is that simple.
7) Send her something you were just talking about earlier
If you run into something you just discussed in the days, you can text her about that.
It can be a picture you took.
A random post on the internet.
The idea is, to reinitiate the conversation with a shared experience you have in common.
8) Send her a new song
If it’s something she will like, it’s even better.
The point is to send her something low-key.
Without expecting a lot of attention to that second text.
Just to ping her, in case she forgot to text you back.
P.S.: A bit of the cold truth
Here are some scenarios that might have happened to you:
- She is active on Instagram but not replying.
- She has seen my message but didn’t reply.
- She is online on WhatsApp but not replying.
- She hasn’t read my message but has been online.
- She is active on messenger but not replying.
Whatever you want to call it, they are more or less all the same. Unfortunately, most probably she didn’t forget about you, she just didn’t put you in the beginning of her priority list.
- Maybe another dude came into the picture.
- Possibly her ex reinitiated contact.
- Or perhaps she just realized she is not that into you after all.
Who knows why she isn’t replying?
You can give it another try, ping her once, see if she is still on, and if not, then simply move on.
It’s a bit of cold truth, I know. But there are literally millions of other opportunities out there, so don’t get so much hung up on just one person.
Right now, you are at step 9/10, in the 10-step system on how to find your ideal partner.
Continue the system with the next small bite, here.
If you don’t know about this system yet, BUT you truly want to find your ideal partner, then see the full 10-step system here.
Thank you for reading through. If you liked this post, please consider subscribing to my newsletter down below, for more dating and relationship advice.
Until next time.
Thomas Kallos – Find Your Ideal Partner