When we truly like someone, it’s hard to be indifferent and let go of the outcome, plus we worry too much about screwing it up, and that’s exactly, when we start to overthink everything.
“Why do I have oneitis?”
Let’s answer that question, while going through the 3-step formula on how to cure it.
Table of Contents
Why do I have oneitis?
Step 1) There is no such thing as “the one”.
Having oneitis basically means, that you are CONVINCED, that she is everything you’ve ever wanted.
- She’s gorgeous.
- She’s so attractive.
- She’s the perfect match.
And when we truly believe all these, then it almost feels like a sign, that she’s “the one”.
That she was meant for us.
We believe, that she is so unique, that we will never be able to find someone like her.
Can you see the fear base in this belief?
Exactly.
So, understand, that there’s no such thing as “the one”.
There are MORE “ones” out there.
You just need to find them.
There are almost 8 billion people on this planet, and the ration of male and female population is almost 50-50%.
So it would be silly to believe, that from all those people, there is only ONE person who is the chosen one.
So let’s remove this belief, and let’s start to see her as a great option, and not more.
When we can TRULY apply this mindset, then we can let go, and be a bit more indifferent.
Because if we are attached too much to any outcome, that will only lead us to suffering.
Step 2) Don’t focus on getting into a relationship.
But rather, focus on having a great time.
Again.
Focus on having a great time.
I repeated myself, because this one is well known, little understood, and very often overlooked.
This is a HUGE part of the problem, when you have oneitis.
It’s a mindset thing.
- Since she is such a great fit, and you feel so much attracted to her, you might feel like you need to have her.
- You definitely don’t want to ruin this one.
- Also, if you’d have her, that would make your life so much happier.
Can you see it now?
Ignoring the first two steps will 100% waste months or years of your life.
Thinking that she’s the one and that you need to have her, will not let you give up on her.
These two are exactly the reason why you get fixated so much on someone.
- That illusion.
- That fantasy.
- And that perfect relationship right in front of you.
- You could be such a great team together.
- You could take so much care of her.
- And you could make her the happiest person on earth. (And she could do that to you as well.)
It’s all in our head.
It’s just a nice dream.
But in reality, it’s not even close to how it works.
So.
Instead of focusing on getting into a relationship, focus on having a great time.
Besides that, focus on yourself.
- On your goals.
- On building your career.
- And on improving yourself.
Just chase excellence.
That’s a great way to put it.
And again, when you meet someone extraordinary, just focus on having a great time.
But never ever focus on getting into a relationship.
Use the following mindset to have better results.
“No matter what happens, I’ll be just fine.”
And trust me, you’ll be just fine.
Step 3) Be able to create options any time.
If we lack, or if it’s hard to create options, then the stakes are getting higher, when we finally find someone to our taste.
- We don’t want to lose them.
- We want to make sure they’ll like us back.
- And we are constantly playing it safe and walking on eggshells for the sake of that.
- We even get into pleasing mode just to make them like us.
It’s pathetic how many things we are capable to do, just to get someone to like us.
But it all boils down to not having options and not being able to creating them.
Because let’s face it.
If she rejected you, but you still had many great options available, then that rejection wouldn’t have been such a big deal. Right?
But if you met someone like her only once in a few years, then it definitely felt like a big deal if you lost her.
And that’s why being able to creating options and living an abundant life is part of the equation.
Because if you go out there and start meeting new women, then you WILL see that it’s possible to find someone, whom you thought was impossible to find before.
So.
“Why do I have oneitis?”
If you’re worried about that, then combine and apply these 3 steps, and you’ll have the cure for it.
- 1) There is no such thing as “the one” – Mindset.
- 2) Don’t focus on getting into a relationship – Rule.
- 3) Be able to create options any time – Learnable skill.
Thank you for reading through. If you liked this post, please consider subscribing to my newsletter down below, for more dating and relationship advice.
Until next time.
Take care.
Thomas Kallos – Find Your Ideal Partner
